still

i am trying to keep my eyes on you but
but thieves are dancing in my peripheral

you came in human form
so you must know

i close my eyes and scritch-scratched
on the insides of my lids
are your words
to "never grow weary of doing right"

but lord

my lover: disappointing
my friends i've all outgrown
and sleep and song and drink and sleep
the comforts i have known

love turned up a liar
and petals opt to wilt
despite the prayer
and forty days

i am messy still
i am messy still
i am messy still
i am messy still
i am messy still
i am messy still
i am messy still
i am messy still
i am messy still
i am messy still

and you deliver visions of my future in my dreams
the sweetest nights i'll ever taste
and i know to taste them truly
i will have to leave my love my friends my role my ways my life
my life
my life
my life
as
i
know
it

or ill be messy.

still.


....
push me when i least expect it

because if it's left
to me
to jump
ill stand on edge

and never leap