Sometimes

on rare occasion

I see

God's love

for me
in you

the beast

you were there all wrinkly
your hair long gone, just like your father

and we had been through things
secrets God told to only us
and which we kept

and i saw a boy who walked like you
and had your laugh
and loved his momma
like you do

and i saw me crying
and smiling
both because of you

and i felt your hand
on my leg in church
years ahead in time
not unlike the way it is now
and

this time now was remembered
with pain but as a catalyst
for our growth
a phase
but

i can't be the only one who's sure,
for faith and reassurance
are too big of beasts
for one to take on
all alone

Dear Paul : For the Team

Dear Paul,

you're my favorite player

if i can't find your jersey
once the sun sets
and it comes time to lay my head,
i'd rather sleep naked

because no one else
is worth that 8 hours
of closeness

is worth my body

and i've never missed a game
if i can't make it in person
i've got it playing wherever i am
so as not to miss
a single play

and my friends all noticed
my commitment
and fell impressed
and hope to be with other players
the way i am with you

for they've seen how your game's improved
how i am loyal again to the game i once cursed
because of you

this morning i hear
that you were nearly released
from your contract
and my whole life
was put on pause
spent forty minutes
in the shower, with pandora all a-go-go
praying the coach would change his mind

until i got the details...

i hear they asked you to gve it up for the team
that world that you indulge
off of the court
wasn't a test of pride or power
for the franchise
but a desperate plea
from the "team"
for the "team"

and i don't know what's going on
but if it's for the "team"
if it's for our "team"
then, Paul, you've got to realize

fans like me don't come around too often
the opportunity to play with these guys was a miracle
to begin with
so whatever it is, i'm with Doc:

give it up.
that off-court-world
and indulge in a new one

for the sake of the "team"

because i think i take back
what i said before

i have no hope that you'll give it up soon
not anymore
you're too far gone

so i will sleep
naked
until you come back around

and when you're ready
to come back to the team
and examine that off-court life

let me know
no worries
i'll wear no other jersey
until you come around

even if you're off your contract for a full year

but not now, Paul
not now

i will always be your biggest fan
but am so in disbelief that when it came down to it
you weren't ready to sacrifice for the team
that until you are

until you are
your jersey will hang
retired
in my boyfriend's closet
because i can't look at it
without crying

remember that at the end of the day,
your unwillingness betrayed our love
not me
for this is the hardest thing
ive ever had to do
and it's because you're MAKING me
whether you know it or not....

i love you, Paul.

but i can't support the "team"
if you can't either

because that team
ain't shit
ain't shit
ain't shit
without you.

still friends,
your number one

Architecture

You built it together
Upon foundation weak, and
I hear they all warned you

wanting a house so badly
you convinced yourselves that
sand would be enough

Realizing your poor construction
the demolition soon began

but the tearing down of your home
also
destroyed my own

------------------------------------

your.divorce.cracked.my.life.too.