Sin and Suffocation

I think it entered through my mouth, somehow.

Foolishly,
I fell asleep with it wide open,
a habit I can't escape,
and it slipped slickly down my throat
and made it's way into my stomach,
and has feasted once more
on all it's lining


I know this because
my sheets are wet with blood,
and my neck is sticky-
coated with saliva

Deja Vu:
This happened, too,
just four nights ago.


Surely I can not bring this on myself...
right?

How could I fight so desperately
to preserve my insides,
only to allow a ravenous poison
to excavate them while I dream?

These nightmares look to be the end of rest as I know it.

Jesus.
This is where you come in.

I can not save myself.
I have tried so many times,
each time my mantra:
"THIS will be the time I save myself."

But before the ink dries on my name,
scribbled sloppily amongst
others on the list of those
destined for Hell,
save my soul

Faith in myself has worn thin.
Any more strain and I am convinced
I will imitate the march of the woman in The Awakening.

I beg You shamelessly,
snot-faced and red-eyed
to save my soul just one last time,
and kneecaps slam-kiss the concrete as I drop in thanks
when you drop your head and I hear you whisper
"Yes."


Save me from myself.
And restore the very lining I allowed my sin to chew away.

I am ready
To be drowned in waters deep,
and raised reborn
For at only twenty-one
I have tired of prayer

Tangle-haired and ashy-faced,
I ask you to order my steps
again

Because each time I feel there can't be much further to fall,
the drop becomes a little deeper.

And I'm scared to think just how deep the well does run.